Magic is a big problem in Malawi

I couldn't NOT share this little tidbit of African culture with the world. So ladies and gentlemen, let's turn the conversation to magic.

In the last 4 months I have overheard here and there talk of black magic; people trying to explain away bizarre occurrences as the work of some nefarious individual with supernatural powers. I wrote it off. Only in the last few days did I realize how fully society at large, at least in Malawi, has incorporated this into their belief system.

Read on, and you'll discover that what you actually believed was a myth your whole if is reality. Magic does actually exist!

Today was the first day that I struck out on my own in the refugee camp. I've decided that I want to see people face to face much more often instead of just poring over their case files in my 7th floor Lilongwe office (where office = broom closet, of course). Halfway through the afternoon I ended up in a pastor's house, packed wall to wall with 4 other people and, of course, pitch black (weird!!!) Through an interpreter he began to tell me about the problems his wife was having with her health. "She's a cripple," he said. "We've been to the doctor and have tried traditional medicine but nothing works." And then without batting an eye, he explained that clearly the cause of her "handicap" (which the medical report listed as arthritis) was the use of black magic by assailants unknown. Looking up, my smile was met by... perfectly normal expressions on everyone else's faces, not the mischevious grins of good humoured refugees I was expecting. "Wait a minute, is he serious?", I thought. Yes, he was. About a minute passed in which I tried to divert the conversation away from spells and black magic. Failing that, I admitted that "Mzungus don't believe in magic," to which they laughed and laughed... Oh how they laughed!!! "Of course you don't believe in magic," said the pastor in a manner that was a mix of pity and all-knowing-ness. "You are a white man." Poor, uninformed me.

Later that afternoon at the office my supervisor offloaded onto me what was surely not one of his favourite cases. I still have no idea what to do about this one so input is welcome. The gentleman in question and his wife showed up at our door unannounced with a rather large problem: he was being accused of witchcraft. And although nobody is burnt at the stake in Malawi, suspected witches are from time to time murdered by an angry mob. Fascinating for me and you as readers, but not exactly the best news for the witches.

The details of this case are pretty straightforward really. Refugee living in another town has a thriving business. But of course that has nothing to do with his business acumen, don't be ridiculous. It's obviously because he's using a spell to draw cash directly out of the surrounding shops, GOD, it's obvious! This would be quirky and funny if it was just a few jealous shopkeers and their shenanigans. But this belief is so widespread that not only did the local newspaper print the 'facts' of the story, but the city council passed a decree that he had to leave the area by June 30th. Get outta Dodge, sucka! Now this guy can't live anywhere in Malawi because the whole country knows about his dark secret.

Finally, the best for last... Today Les and I noticed a newspaper clipping on the wall of the office we're stealing this week. The headline reads: 'Man gets 5 years for using magic plane'. Haha wait let me take a minute to laugh again.... HAHA... ok, done. This cheeky character tried to beat the system, but as in all happily ending stories, a group of drunk people saved the day. The accused (picture in the article naked, sitting on a curb and covered in dust), was apparently traveling from point A to point C, but while at point B ran out of money. So unable to pay for public transportation, he decided it would be a good idea to whip out his magic plane. In a crushing twist of fate, however, he just so happened to fly over a house that had strong magical protection and he fell out of the magic plane. Thankfully he landed basically in front of a gaggle of drunks who promptly reported to the police this outrage and the man was sent to jail for 5 years. No, the newspaper was not running a satire; magic is treated with the gravest of seriousness in this country, even by the courts!

I've never believed in magic until now. You learn something new every day! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a magic bed to jump into.